


Sad Smiles

by neoctdream



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, M/M, NCT Dream - Freeform, rensung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 22:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17775587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoctdream/pseuds/neoctdream
Summary: “You always smile like that before you're about to cry.” aka a fic about renjun and jisung because i needed it to be a thing





	Sad Smiles

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING- Talk of Emotional and Verbal Abuse (NO PHYSICAL ABUSE)

Thoughts whirling they wouldn’t shut up, he couldn’t shut them out. He looked out the window at the sky above and the people down below, and all he could think was how they were important to someone. He wished he had that luxury maybe he wasn’t important but at least he had Kihwan. He wanted so desperately to shut off the voice in his head, be happy for once, but he couldn’t. Instead, he walked to his favorite place, the fountain. He sat on the edge of the fountain looking towards the café. It was like he was in an ocean, and as the whole world was able to swim freely, but he was stuck drowning. The corners of his mouth curled up into a smile as the cool water splashed ever so slightly on his back and the sound of water drowned out his thoughts or at least attempted to. 

“You always smile like that before you're about to cry.” Renjun looked up to see a boy in an apron and two cups of bubble tea in his hands. The boy nodded towards one of the bubble teas in his hand urging Renjun to take it. Renjun blinked slowly taking the drink. “I’m Jisung. I work at that café, and I see you here quite often. What’s your name?” Renjun felt Jisung sit down next to him.

Renjun took a deep breath and let it out soft, but shakily, “I’m Renjun...” After a long pause, the brown-haired boy whispered, “I’m sorry.” Jisung looked at the older boy in disbelief, but before he could ask why he was apologizing his boss was calling him back in saying that his break was over. “I have to go now, but this conversation isn’t over.” Before Renjun could say his goodbyes the silver-haired boy was already back inside the café. He looked down at the cup in his hands, “Bye Jisung.” The next day Renjun made his way to the same exact spot at the same time, but this time the silver-haired boy was there, ‘He couldn’t possibly be waiting for me.’ Renjun thought to himself. Jisung smiled brightly as he looked up to see Renjun. He looked different to Renjun maybe because he wasn’t wearing his uniform, and he had on a slightly red tinted lip gloss on. It reminded Renjun of strawberries, but he would make no comment on that. “Renjun! I told you our conversation from yesterday wasn’t over.” He spoke excitedly like a child in a candy store. Renjun looked at him with lost eyes but just nodded. “I wanted to ask you why you were sorry yesterday.” Jisung noticed the pain behind the older boy’s eyes, but that was the thing he did not comment on. Renjun closed his eyes and reluctantly whispered, “Well because I’m not important I’m nobody, and you made an effort.” Jisung didn’t make him explain the two of them just sat there in silence, but it was comfortable although the two didn’t know why. That was the start and after that Jisung started spending his breaks with Renjun every day.

A month went by, and Renjun found himself at the same place with the same circumstances. Yet again the dull smile was set on his face, but this time Jisung wasn’t there to stop his tears from flowing. It was dark, the only things lighting up his surroundings were the streetlights and the light from the moon, which made him feel even more insignificant. The tears trailed down his face, his crying was the only thing warming him up in the cold air. Hiccupping on his breath, while shivering as he wasn’t wearing a jacket his problems started spewing out. “Maybe Kihwan was right. Maybe I was too emotional, too clingy.” He cried on and on, his face turning red, yet on the contrary, his lips were turning blue from the cold. It went on like that for thirty minutes. “Renjun is that you? Oh my god!” Jisung came running up shrugging off his jacket, and wrapping it around the brown-haired boy.

Renjun pushed off the jacket. “Stop I don’t deserve your kindness, leave me alone!” He screamed. He was surprised when instead of listening to him Jisung kneeled down in front of him engulfing him in a tight hug. Renjun continued to cry out his problems while hitting Jisung’s chest softly. Jisung didn’t mind though, he just kept whispering things in his ear, “Shh Renjun I’m here, and despite what you say I’m not going anywhere. I don’t know what has got you so blue, but I’m here, and I’ll make sure whenever you smile you won’t cry afterward. I want to help you be happy Just please come to me, look for me, okay?" 

Renjun sighed looking up at the boy his eyes red from all the tears that he had wept. “Why Jisung? Don’t you see I will never be happy? No matter what you do, no matter what anyone does I will never be happy. I’m nobody, why do I deserve happiness? Why are you trying so hard when I’ve already given up? I’m stuck and I don’t think I will ever get unstuck. And quite frankly Jisung I don’t think you should hang around me, I radiate numbness, and I don’t want to force that on you. You don’t deserve that, nobody does, but me.” He wiped his tears, and quite realistically, his snot on his sleeve. “And I’m sorry for crying on you,” Renjun added quietly.

Renjun got up from his usual spot at the fountain and turned to start to make his way back home. Jisung was in such disbelief that he didn’t know what to say, and in all honesty, as much as Renjun was pushing him away, the older boy wanted him to say something, anything to get him to turn around. After a few seconds, Jisung grabbed Renjun’s wrist softly, and without looking up from the floor he whispered, “If nobody deserves that numbness, why do you? What did you do that was so wrong? Why do you put yourself at such a low level? I’ve witnessed you for more than a month and talked to you for about a month, and I can tell you’ve got a huge heart. Maybe that’s why you put everyone else above yourself, but you are just as important. So even if you give up on yourself, I won’t give up on a friend.” That last part hurt Renjun a little bit although he didn’t know why. It shouldn’t have fazed him because he had Kihwan. Jisung’s little speech was over, but there was so much more that the silver-haired boy wanted to say to Renjun. He put the jacket back on the brown-haired boy, and grabbed his hand, “Let me walk you home.”

Renjun shook his head violently, “No no you can’t!” Jisung looked into his eyes confused but the older boy looked genuinely scared. “What are you so scared of? Renji what’s going on?” There was a lot of arguing through the looks in the two boys’ eyes but after about five minutes, Jisung was walking Renjun home. Nobody could say no to Jisung, not even the boy who was supposed to feel nothing. They were met with something Renjun would’ve never expected. Kihwan was gone, Renjun’s apartment was a wreck. This was the ultimate break for Renjun. Photos of the “happy memories” in ashes on the floor, broken glass everywhere, and the clothes from half of their shared closet gone. On top of all of the disorder was a letter…

Renjun,  
I finally realized something today. You weren’t worth my time. I can’t believe I wasted three years of my life on you. Think about it. Three years of ruining my plans, making a mess, forgetting to pay my bills. I could have done so much better than you. You don’t even deserve a goodbye. Everything I did for you and all you did was repay me with mistakes. That’s why you got laid off and had to find a new low paying job. You dreamed too big you could never be an artist or a musician because you are just a fuck up. I don’t even know why I am writing this anyway. Hope you liked my surprise Junnie ;)  
Kihwan. 

Renjun started pulling at his hair, the tears that had ceased to flow earlier that night had started up again. He fell to his knees, he’d lost everything. He’d lost his friends, his family all stopped talking to him and visiting him because of Kihwan, but that didn’t matter because he had his love. Of course, he just had to mess that up too. “Oh my Renji, should I call the police?” Jisung asked, his voice filled to the brim with worry. Renjun couldn’t say anything he just shook his head, he had nothing left. He picked himself off the floor and let his feet glide over the broken glass. Without a word, he grabbed the broom and dustpan and started sweeping up the ripped papers, broken glass, and burned pictures. Jisung could tell the older boy didn’t want to talk about it so he settled for picking up the big pieces of broken glass from the opposite side of the room than Renjun was on. 

Jisung bit his lip and winced as he picked up a shard from a broken mirror. He looked down at his hands to see little droplets of red dripping from his right pointer finger onto the floor. It was so quiet in the apartment that all Jisung could hear was the sounds of paper sliding into the dustpan and him swallowing the lump that was stuck in his throat. Despite the situation, the silver-haired boy continued to pick up the shards of broken glass with his hands. After an hour of silence, and cleaning what the two boys could Renjun plopped down on the couch. It seemed as though he forgot Jisung was even there. Renjun couldn’t even cry anymore, so he just stared up at the ceiling. Jisung coughed and that’s when Renjun noticed he was still there. The older boy softly patted the spot next to him telling Jisung to sit next to him because as empty as he felt he didn’t even realize that Jisung’s presence made him feel a little less empty. Jisung shuffled over to the couch careful to not get the blood from his hands onto the furniture. Renjun looked at the pained expression that was spread on the younger boy’s face, “Sungie- can I even call you that? Anyways that’s not the point, what is wrong? Did I do something? I’m sorry.” Renjun rambled, he didn’t know why, but Jisung had that effect on him.

Renjun’s eyes traveled to Jisung’s hands, he gasped looking at hands all cut up and actively bleeding. “Sungie why didn’t you tell me?” He asked grabbing his wrist and leading him to the bathroom. “I uh just didn’t want you to worry about me, I’m sorry.” Jisung stumbled on his words quietly. “Don’t be sorry, this is my fault if anything I’m sorry you got hurt like this,” Renjun replied it seemed faster than he’d ever talked before. Jisung got quiet but would let out pained whimpers because of the ointment the older boy had been applying to make sure his wounds wouldn’t get infected. After awhile Jisung wanted to talk to Renjun, but he had been so concentrated on making Jisung better, Renjun’s tongue poked out slightly and Jisung couldn’t help but notice how beautiful the brown-haired boy was, not just how he looked too. He was truly beautiful inside and out. “Renjun.” But the boy didn’t answer so after a few moments Jisung tried again, “Renji.” Again nothing. “Junnie,” and that one sure caught Renjun’s attention, but it wasn’t the attention the silver-haired boy had expected. Renjun put the ointment “generously” on the biggest cut, and as Jisung let out a string of profanities he heard Renjun, “Don’t you ever fucking call me that ever again.” Renjun’s voice was dripping in venom, the younger boy let him finish bandaging him up in quiet, sad that instead of making him happier he had set him off. 

Renjun felt lousy for reacting like that, but the younger boy left without a word. The brown-haired boy sighed as he laid in his bed, “He didn’t know any better, why did I do that? I am so sorry Jisung you didn’t deserve that,” he said to his ceiling before falling asleep. When he awoke in the morning he couldn’t remember what he saw in his dreams he just remembers smelling fresh strawberries and peppermint gum.

Renjun got out of bed and rubbed his eyes walking out to the kitchen. As he got a cup of water he looked towards the couch and noticed Jisung’s jacket on the edge of the couch. That was what assured Renjun that the contents of the day before had actually happened. Renjun got ready in a pair of black sweatpants and an oversized off the shoulder crimson red sweater. He threw on some lip gloss and eyeliner before grabbing Jisung’s jacket and walking to his usual spot. But instead of sitting at the fountain he decided to go inside for the first time since the business opened. He walked inside, toward the order counter, and looked up at the menu. “Renjun? What can I get for you?” He heard and when he looked at the employee it was Jisung. “Oh uh can I just get an iced Americano and a croissant?” Jisung nodded and got the order ready. When he handed the food and drink to Renjun, he smiled. Renjun lifted the jacket in his hands, passing it on to the tall boy. “I uh wanted to apologize and uh give this back, so uh I am truly sorry I acted that way yesterday. I crossed a line I shouldn’t have talked to you like that.” Jisung shook his head but smiled accepting the apology. “Will you come back during my break?” Renjun nodded the corners of his mouth curled upward the slightest bit, “If you want me to I will.”

After seven months they were closer than ever. “Renji I’ll be over in five,” Jisung stated over the phone. The brown-haired boy nodded before realizing that Jisung couldn’t see him. “Yeah I guess that’s fine, see you soon,” he said before hanging up the phone. Renjun couldn’t help but smile at his phone as he sat up on the counter waiting for Jisung. Jisung just walked into the house as he had grown so accustomed to doing over the past few months. “Hey, Renji!” He ran over to his friend sitting on the counter, and he placed himself comfortably between his legs. 

“What’s up Sungie?” Renjun said with a genuine smile, his eyes used to be dull, now were full of shining stars. Jisung let himself smile excitedly. Renjun had grown so much in the past seven months. It was a lot of hard work, but the older boy had Jisung by his side, who had never given up on him, so it was worth it. “What’s in the bag?” Renjun asked. Jisung emptied the bag on the counter next to Renjun, it was filled with a bunch of candy, sweets, and a tube of tinted lip balm. Jisung then explained himself, “We are going to play a game, I am gonna ask you some questions about myself and every time you get the answer right you get a prize and the grand prize is a mystery.” Renjun shrugged but nodded excitedly, “Sure sounds fun!”

Jisung started off easy asking the older boy things like when his birthday was or what his favorite color was which of course Renjun got them right. “What is one place that I really want to go to?” Jisung asked thinking he’d trip up the brown-haired boy. Renjun just smirked and looked down at Jisung from his spot on the counter, and answered confidently, “That’s a trick question because you want to spend time everywhere, you wanna see the world.” Jisung’s smile dropped whispering, “Damn I thought I really was going to get you with that one.” Little did Renjun know that Jisung was trying to stall because his nerves were bubbling up and he was trying to delay his endgame. After about fifteen minutes it was time for his last question, “Okay it’s time for the last question, it is kind of a long one, but don’t interrupt please and I need you to close your eyes.” He grinned as he saw the brown-haired boy close his eyes, in Jisung’s eyes he was so perfect, he was his everything, he was important, and he’d hoped that he would be able to capture all of that in what he was about to say. “So I’ve been meaning to say this for a while now, but I wanted to come up with a really special way of doing this because you are special to me and you deserve the best. I want to let you know that you are important, you mean a lot to someone and that someone is me. I’ve seen your lows and I’ve seen your highs, and you didn’t shield any of that from me. I’m glad you didn’t, it makes me feel important that I am the only one that can see that side of you, so thank you. But the question in all this rambling is well uh will you reciprocate the feelings that I have for you?” Renjun was dazed by what he was hearing, the confidence that he had before had completely disappeared, so all he could muster up was a nod. Jisung let out the breath that he didn’t even notice he was holding in and under his breath, he muttered, “Oh thank you, wow I did that.” 

Renjun was waiting for Jisung to tell him to open his eyes, but that instruction didn’t come, instead, he heard the pop from the cap of the lip balm. It was silent for a few seconds, but then the older boy felt hands on his face guiding his head downwards, and just like magic their lips connected. Just like second nature, the brown-haired boy wrapped his legs around Jisung bringing the two of them closer together, and Jisung could feel his face flush. Even though it seemed as though time stopped they had to pull away for air at some point. Renjun grinned so wide as he opened eyes, his smile stretched from ear to ear. He giggled as he accidentally said, “Wow strawberries and peppermint just like I dreamt.” Jisung laughed fondly picking up Renjun and placing him on his feet, so he was standing in front of him. He placed a soft kiss on the shorter boy’s forehead, and pulled back leaning his forehead against the other boy’s before whispering, “I’m glad to see that your smiles have changed.”

**Author's Note:**

> I will write a sequel so stay tuned. bc, i love rensung :(


End file.
